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Thats it. I'm done pretending. Everyone says I'm so happy and full of life. Bullshit. I'm far from it. For as long as I can remember I've been battling depression on & off. Yes, I've cut myself. No, it doesn't help. Its retarded. I'm constantly fighting back tears. Whenever I smile, its fake. Whenever someone asks me "Whats wrong ?", I always say nothing, that I'm just tired, and everyone seems to believe me. Everyone always asks why I'm so quiet and I tell them I'm just shy and I always have been. Not even. I always keep to myself. I don't want to talk to anyone. I bottle everything in. I never really talk to anyone about it. Yes, suicide crosses my mind. Everyday it does. I've never brought myself to do anything because the saying "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem", always goes through my head. That and friends are the only thing keeping me from doing anything. Its come to the point where if I'm walking on the side of the road, O wish the car driving by would swerve into me. Or whenever i get into the car that we'll crash. I cry, every single day. I cant remember the last time i was 100% happy, nothing was wrong, everything was going great. I'm always sad. There' nothing specific thats bothering me. Its a bunch of things. Lately I've given up and stopped trying. I gave up on school, my family, a lot of friends. I don't have a care in the world. I don't care if I die, I don't care if I get hurt, I don't care if I get in trouble. I just don't care. I've done things I normally wouldn't do. It takes so much for me to just get out of bed. If I could I would sleep for days. I always look exhausted. I just want to hide under the covers and not talk to anyone. I never feel like eating. Nothing seems fun anymore. I don't enjoy doing the things I've always enjoyed doing. I find it hard to focus and I'm very forgetful. I always feel guilty and worthless. I can't control my negative thoughts, no matter how much I try. I just feel like people need to know this and why I'm so down. Right now I'm just trying to deal with it. And I don't need help with that.

Please don't even try...

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